Hey there! :)
Now that you know the truth about me, I guess now you have a small idea of how my life has been within these past 6 years.
After my first episode of Schizophrenia and Depression, within that same year, I was accepted by Universiti Malaysia Sabah. The programme that was offered to me was International Tropical Forestry. I was soooooooooo excited that I got accepted!
However, my family did not allow me to accept that offer in the first place. I was being stubborn, I begged them especially my mother and my Simbuk to let me go. My Papa did not allow me to go as well. The first thing that my Papa said to me when I said I was going to accept that offer was, ‘ Nichelle, do you have any idea of what happened to you within this past 2 months?’. I replied by answering my Papa that I have no idea. Because I did not realise that I was actually suffering from a mental illness. All I knew was I need to eat my anti psychotic and my anti depressant, which was Olanzapine and Lexapro every single night.
I prayed so hard that my family will let me go and pursue my studies. There was one night, I tried to have a conversation with my mother.
Me: ‘Mummy, jaman mummy oku odi skolah dek Sabah kanih yeh?’ which means, ‘ Mummy, don’t you allow me to study in Sabah?’
Mummy: ‘ Idoh oku jaman muu odi tapi ninga muu tih diok. Muu mondam ni Chelle. Tolu nyam kuk tingia muu sadik dek Sabah kanih’ which means, ‘ It’s not that I don’t allow you to go but look at your condition. You are sick, Chelle. I feel afraid of letting you to be alone in Sabah’.
Me: ‘Mummy, oku moh pandai jaga odop oku. Umur oku moh 19 sowa. Oku sadik geh masa oku blajar dek Labuan. Mun oku pandai jaga odop oku dek Labuan, oku pandai geh jaga odop oku dek Sabah’ which means, ‘ Mummy, I am good at taking care of myself. I am 19 years old. I was alone when I studied in Labuan. If I can take good care of myself in Labuan, then I can take good care of myself in Sabah’.
Mummy: ‘ Mun muu laan geh skolah dek Sabah, janji duoh Mummy muu mak komut Topa duoh Jesus duoh Holy Spirit. Odak Mother Mary semayang saan muu geh’ which means ‘ If you really want to study in Sabah, promise Mummy that you will not forget God, Jesus and Holy Spirit. Ask Mother Mary to pray for you as well’.
Me: ‘ Mak susah, Mummy. Ogik Jesus jaga oku kanih’ which means, ‘ Don’t worry, Mummy. Jesus takes good care of me’.
Mother: 'Mak selalu sedih yoh, Chelle. Muu mesti happy happy'.
That was how my conversation went with my mother as far as I can remember.
I had a talk with my Simbuk and Papa as well but I don’t remember how our conversations went.
God answered my prayers by having the green light from my whole family to study in Universiti Malaysia Sabah.
With all my love,
Nichelle .